Blog - Page 9 of 45

I know what it means to be the other

I don’t know what it is to be Black in America, like some people have experienced. I don’t even know what it means to be a woman in a predominantly male career, to the extent that others have experienced.

But I know what it means to be the other.

I know what it means to be dating a White guy, and Black guys on the street jump in front of the two of you walking and ask you if you want a real man instead, or people run out of their houses to watch the two of you walking down the street together.

I know what it means to date a Ghanian as a Nigerian, and listen to his group of friends laughing without reserve as they recite every insulting Nigerian joke they can think of, or people telling you that they are not interested in a serious relationship, because they have long decided that they would marry a Cameroonian, and you – no matter how wonderful you are – are not Cameroonian.

I know what it means to be told that you are not the ideal candidate for marriage because you – no matter how wonderful you are – are not a Yoruba-Nigerian.

I know what it means to be told that although the two of us are from the same Edo state in Nigeria, you are from the Akoko Edo tribe, and I am from the Benin Tribe, therefore it wouldn’t work between us.

I know what it’s like to be the other… from the largest group to the smallest group.

Perhaps our problem is not racism, or tribalism, or sexism, or agism. Perhaps our problem is Otherism. Perhaps we have fallen for the fallacy that anything different from us, is the Other, and hence dangerous. Perhaps we have fallen for the other fallacy that anything similar to us is same, and therefor safe.

We created this shortcut in our brain many years ago, but time and time again, we have found it to be wrong, but yet we continue.

I hope you will never be a victim of otherism, but even as I write this, I’m sure you will.

Chris via Compfight

P.S. if you want to be one of the first to know about my projects, please subscribe.

Need some help dealing with loneliness, please click here

Need some help dealing with breakups, Please click here

10 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive AFTER Kids – Dating Divas

Romance – I recently read the blog post below, and just had to share… because I know we all want to keep the romance alive

———————–

Think of all the couples you know that have kids. Now think of that couple that is still madly in love! The ones that still act like newlyweds even though they have several little ones in tow. What are they doing differently? What’s their secret? Well, I asked several of them to find out – and these are the 10 things that kept coming up.

1. Make Date Night a Priority– You had to see this one coming. I mean, we are The Dating Divas – it’s the whole reason why we started this blog. The truth is – dating each other is what made you fall in love in the first place. So it makes sense that you should keepdating to stay in love. If you don’t want the fire to die out – you gotta keep blowing on the flames. Right? It doesn’t have to be an elaborate, over-the-top date. Even if it’s just talking & laughing over a shared sandwich or candy bar…. in whispered tones so the baby stays asleep! Just set aside time each week for just the two of you to reconnect. {Family nights are great, but they don’t count as date night!} You need time to be husband and wife instead of mom and dad…

…

9. Make Love to Stay in Love– It’s totally true – making love is one of the best ways to stay in love. It’s about a lot more than just sex. Intimacy is like the glue in a marriage. Besides being FUN and creating a stronger marital connection and bond, it also has some pretty nice benefits too! Ready to hear ’em? Here we go — regular sex has also beenscientifically proven to help you: weigh less, look younger, have less wrinkles, have less stress, gain more confidence, AND have less headaches. And those are just my favorite benefits! I mean come on – why would you NOT want those? I’d be interested just for the beauty benefits alone.

Yes, it can get a little trickier after the kids come. Maybe you’re always tired and exhausted – or over-touched from having kids climbing on you all day. But intimacy is a vital part of your marriage, and it’s worth any time and effort that it takes to improve it. If you’re struggling in this area, communicate with your spouse and let him know that you want to work on it together. Maybe that means having him watch the kids while you take a nap so you’re not so tired or having him give you a massage using nice oils to relax. Or maybe it means getting your hormones checked. Whatever it is – make it important to you. Because it’s important to your marriage.

To Continue reading click here

P.S. if you want to be one of the first to know about my projects, please subscribe.

Need some help dealing with loneliness, please click here

Need some help dealing with breakups, Please click here

ten ways to minimize fear and accomplish your dreams

My daughter is not limited by the human condition. She doesn’t know she is human, and she hasn’t realized that we have limitations. It is scary, yet refreshing, watching her trying to leap from the bed (because she has not yet discovered gravity) or to scream at the top of her lungs, because no one has ever stopped talking to her because she was shouting, or to be comfortable in whatever she is wearing, because she has not experienced being snubbed for her fashion choice (or her mother’s fashion choice). One day she will learn fear, but I pray it will be good fear and not the kind of fear that paralyzes you from accomplishing what you would like to.

For the rest of us, here are ten things that will help us fight fear

1. Read – read self help, read inspiration, read fiction with positive stories, read biographies of people doing amazing things. Get your brain excited, give your brain the material to mirror these amazing things. Give your brain the food to realize that there is no need to fear.

2. Pray – Sometimes fear can be debilitating. These kinds of things need prayer. Pray against fear. Pray against the spirit of fear. Pray against the thoughts of fear.

3. Positive affirmations – The more we repeat things, the more we believe them, so make it a habit to repeat positive thoughts. Use the Bible as encouragement. Remind yourself that you can do all things through Christ. Or at least look in the mirror and tell yourself that nothing is impossible for you, and that you’re a creative idea machine, who can come up with ideas at any time to solve any problem.

4. Watch videos – Go online and watch videos of people accomplishing the “impossible.” Realize that Impossible is a stupid made-up word, and really whatever you want to accomplish, you can – even if it may not always end up exactly the way you thought it would. Ted is a great source of inspirational videos.

5. Create mini-goals – instead of saying you want to lose 20 pounds in 3 months, why not say you want to lose 2 pounds a week. two pounds a week seems much easier to accomplish, but when you do the calculation, you will actually exceed 20 pounds if you stay consistent.

6. Write down your fears – write down all the things you’re afraid of. Write down all the bad things that could happen. Write down all the things that are preventing you from accomplishing everything you want to accomplish. Then take a deep breath, crumple up the paper, burn it, trash it, whatever, and say goodbye.

7. Think of the last time you were afraid – When was the last time that you were so afraid of things going wrong? What happened? Did the extremely bad thing you envisioned would happen actually happen? and think of other times as well, did the bad things happen those other times as well? If not, then calm yourself down, and realize that you are stressing yourself unnecessarily.

8. Spend time with old people – Old people often have regrets of things they wish they had accomplished. Spend time with them. Learn from them. If you’re too afraid to do that thing now, just realize that time is so short, and one day you will be old, look back and regret that you hadn’t taken the chance today.

9. Spend time with people that get it – They say we are a combination of our closest friends. So if our friends spend time talking about their fears, and being afraid to do anything, then we will probably also be afraid, and never accomplish anything. But if we choose instead to spend time with people who get it – People who are excited to be creating challenging situations from them, people who are making lots of money from taking risks, there is no way that these things will not rub off on us.

10. Spend time with kids – Kids are always refreshing. They are not afraid to look stupid. Spend time with them and learn that it’s okay to look stupid. Learn the beauty of exploration, learn the beauty of being wrong, the beauty of asking questions, and the beauty of the lack of self-consciousness.

What are your other suggestions?

Marcos de Madariaga via Compfight

P.S. if you want to be one of the first to know about my projects, please subscribe.

Need some help dealing with loneliness, please click here

Need some help dealing with breakups, Please click here

ten steps on becoming anyone you want to be

Who do you want to be? Decide and then follow the steps below:

1. Find a mentor – find someone who is doing what you want to do and get mentored. Whether virtually, by reading all their books, and reading everything they recommend, or if you’re able to be in contact, have a personal mentoring relationship

2. Read books – Books are often the most economical way to get the information you need. So if you can’t get anything else, get books, you can even get ebooks. In books you get the wisdom of 10,000 lifetimes in one lifetime

3. Learn online – find an online course that provides you with information about your career goal, hobby, or whatever, and learn.

4. Join an association – If you’re serious about a new career, join the association, then you will learn about the field, meet people, and learn what it really takes to become the person you want to be.

5. Pray for wisdom – Wisdom will save you time. So pray for wisdom, and while you’re at it, pray for favor. That people will be willing to advise you and get you closer to your goal.

6. Invite people to lunch – find people in the field you are interested in, and take them out to lunch, and be willing to pay. Pick their brains, ask them what they like and what they dislike. Give them the opportunity to show you what a day in their life looks like.

7. Find ways to encourage yourself (remember the Dip) – Seth Godin has a book that talks about the Dip – how the Dip is where many people give up, but just beyond the Dip is where success is achieved, and where the money is made. Find ways to encourage yourself and remember that when you feel the most discouraged is probably where you are the closest to your goal.

8. “Sunk Costs” is a fallacy – Don’t ever think that just because you’ve committed money or time to one thing, that it means you can’t explore other things. If things are not working. Forget the sunk costs and move to other things.

9. Learn on the job – If you have to choose between going to school, or learning on the job, choose to learn on the job. Instead of paying people to teach you, get paid to learn what you need to learn. Join an organization with trainings and mentoring.

10. Fail quickly – Don’t be afraid to fail. It’s okay to fail, in fact if you don’t fail, it means you haven’t tried something new. Fail quickly, fail often, and move on.

What are your other suggestions on becoming anyone you want to be ?

N de Nonoy via Compfight

P.S. if you want to be one of the first to know about my projects, please subscribe.

Need some help dealing with loneliness, please click here

Need some help dealing with breakups, Please click here

Ten places you can learn something new for free and invest in yourself

I’m a big believer in constant improvement. If you’re not improving you are declining. If you’re not using your brain, you’re losing your brain. The more you use your brain the more you learn, the more you understand, and the more you understand that you don’t understand. So in the spirit of sharing, here are ten of the sites maybe hundreds of free sites available. These are either free, or they have free options. And I have personally used at least 80% of them. Some of them have phone Apps, so you can take the learning with you wherever you are.

1. Khan Academy – I want to say this was the first popular originator of easy access to education. The instructors make any topic easy, and they break down these topics in bite size pieces. You can learn mathematics, finance, science, entrepreneurship, Computer programming and so much more. I particularly enjoyed their hour of code.

2. Coursera.org – different schools put some of their best courses online. You can take courses from Stanford, Harvard, MIT etc. Are you interested in Statistics, or Computer programming, or Finance? Whatever you can dream of, it’s there. I enjoyed their CS50 (Harvard Intro to Programming)

3. EdX.org – It’s similar to Coursera with different schools and different courses. But I would say it is more geared toward sciences and engineering. They also have specialization tracks – which is probably one of the best parts, because sometimes you may not know what to take next. 4. Lagunita – This is exclusively from Stanford. Some of the courses on Lagunita are also available on Coursera, but Lagunita may have the most updated version.

5. Iversity – This has so many different courses in so many different languages. So if English is not your first language, or you’re not very comfortable with English, then Iversity is a good way to go.

6. FutureLearn – I have never used this one, but it seems essentially the same as the above. So many options, so many schools and professors providing their services for free. Are you interested in Calculus or are you interested in Soils? They are all there.

7. Skillshare – is from individuals like you and I. Some courses are better than others. But it can be really rewarding, because the professors are often times more easily accessible.

8. Novoed – It provides the platform for learning, and in that regard is similar to Coursera. But there are courses about all sorts of interesting things like Philanthropy, Business etc.

9. Acumen Courses– Acumen is a humanitarian organization, and they sponsor courses that help with social causes and various humanitarian concerns- statistics, presentation, story telling – all with a twist for social organizations.

10. YouTube – Yes you can just search on YouTube for anything thing you want to learn. Some videos are more interesting than others, but you have more control over the size of your video – so if you’re concerned about internet bandwidth issues, then you can use the 144p or 240p options Bonus

11. MIT Open courseware – This is for the engineers and the smarty-pants. Are you interested in Aeronautics, Architecture, psychology? Whatever it is, it’s there I would add Lynda.com, because I have enjoyed several courses from them. But yes it costs money. However there are discount plans for students, or if your school participates in a free program with them, then you can have the courses for free.

Then if you’re interested in coding, there are SEVERAL websites. Two I can recommend are codeschool and codeacademy. Do you have others you would recommend? Sue Clark via Compfight

P.S. if you want to be one of the first to know about my projects, please subscribe.

Need some help dealing with loneliness, please click here

Need some help dealing with breakups, Please click here

ten things you can do to invest in yourself instead of watching TV

Watching TV can be terrible. It’s so easy to do, and you don’t realize that time is slipping through your fingers. Sometimes going on Facebook is like that too. But for the most part, watching TV can really hurt you, when you think about what productive things you could have been doing.

So here are some of my ideas on what you could be doing this evening instead of watching tv

1. Read a book – It could be fiction or non-fiction. it could be a good book, or a book you’ve heard so much about, or a book you’ve always wanted to read, or a book you’ve read before. Reading is an opportunity to calm your mind, and get your brain thinking. If you would like some suggestions let me know

2. Read the Bible – Some may say that the Bible is a book. Well it’s not. Reading the Bible gives you the opportunity to hear from God, or to put something in you that could encourage you later.

3. Learn something online – The world is such a big place, but the internet makes so much of it come close to you. Do you want to learn how to code, how to sew, how to make movies, how to write a book? They are all waiting for you online

4. Spend time with loved ones – Life is so busy. But you must never be too busy for those you love. Because in the end, it’s the relationships that matter.

5. Create something – Have you always wanted to write a book or create a website or something? Well this is your opportunity to do just that. Think. Create. Repeat.

6. Spend time in quiet reflection – You can choose to pray, or just sit quietly and think about your day. You can use this time to appreciate what you have and who you have it to share with.

7. Do something fun – The trouble with life is that we don’t realize that it’s not long. We keep postponing fun for later. We keep thinking that later in life we will be able to enjoy our lives, but we don’t realize that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Why not do something fun today.

8. Quit a bad habit – We all have bad habits that we know is taking away our peace of mind – publicly or privately. Don’t you think it’s time to quit? you can research how to quit until you’re blue in the face, or you can just decide that enough is enough, and decide to quit.

9. Volunteer your time or donate your things. – doing good is always good, except when it’s not. There are so many needy people in the world. You can take the time, pick one good thing, and just do it. It’s your life, why not decide to impact the world with it.

10. Sleep – so many people are sleep-deprived. They think that when sleep deprivation is the key to success, or that it is something to be proud of. It is not. You need rest to come up with great ideas, great businesses, and learn new things. So go ahead and sleep. I give you permission to.

Bonus: Start or join and organization. We need you.

Any other ideas on how to invest in yourself instead of watching TV?

Classic Film via Compfight

P.S. if you want to be one of the first to know about my projects, please subscribe.

Need some help dealing with loneliness, please click here

Need some help dealing with breakups, Please click here

These are the moments I will miss

Babies can be annoying and tiring and exhausting. I woke up this morning… well maybe I didn’t wakeup as much as I groaned and crawled out of bed this morning … exhausted.

And of course my little miss decided today was her day to scream out her instructions.

I don’t mind ignoring her most times, but I feel bad for the neighbors, especially early in the morning. I mumbled to myself about all the things I wanted to get done this morning, then I remembered that this time with her is temporary, this is just a season – this is a moment I will miss later on.

Later on when she is a teenager, or a young lady with her own family, I will think back on these days and laugh at how quickly they flew.

Since these are the moments I will miss – I might as well enjoy them now.

How about you? What moments are you enjoying now?

Robert Occhialini via Compfight

Peter Diamandis – Exponential Technology

Exponential Technology – The rate of technological progress is doubling every two years. Things are changing – exponentially. Are you paying attention? Or are you distracted by popular culture?

Soon everything will be connected, and everyone will be connected. How can you make money from it? How can you make sure you’re protected?

P.S. if you want to be one of the first to know about my projects, please subscribe.

Need some help dealing with loneliness, please click here

Need some help dealing with breakups, Please click here

Nobody owes you anything

I once got a job earning $15.50 to do nothing.

It seemed the interviewer and the training manager did not communicate or something, because a few of us began the job while the training manager was on vacation. Instead of asking us to resume when the training manager returned, they instead looked for busy work for us to do. I didn’t mind. It was pretty good money, and after working 40 hrs a week, I had more than enough to pay my rent, utilities, and even afford a few movies and restaurant visits.

After a few months, I found out that I had gotten accepted to my grad school of choice, and on a full scholarship. But the challenge was that I would need to work a different shift at work, and even work at most – part time.

I went up to my supervisor, and asked to speak with her. I told her about how excited I was about this school opportunity, but how committed I was to the job, and how I would be willing to work any amount of time if I could just keep my job.

To which she graciously declined my offer. No there was no part time position, and no I would not keep getting paid to do nothing and go back to school. I had to pick one.

As sweet as the job offer was, I chose school instead.

I felt terrible at the time. I needed money. I always needed money, and now I was losing my sweet job. But they didn’t owe me the job.

I’ve come to realize since then that nobody owes me anything.

You as well, nobody owes you anything. Be thankful if you have great parents. And if you have terrible parents, remember that they too, don’t owe you anything.

Your boss doesn’t owe you anything. Your friends don’t owe you anything, your teachers don’t owe you anything, and your government definitely doesn’t owe you anything.

The only one that owes you something is you.

Adam via Compfight

P.S. if you want to be one of the first to know about my projects, please subscribe.

Need some help dealing with loneliness, please click here

Need some help dealing with breakups, Please click here

Why do people steal

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about stealing. It’s easy to say that we are all innately wicked, and that is why we steal, but I’ve been wondering…

Some say it’s because of poverty, but I know people raised poor who don’t steal. They may have stolen when they were younger, but for whatever reason no longer choose to steal.

Some say it’s because they were raised not to steal, but I know people raised not to steal – perhaps even pastors’ kids, who steal at the drop of a hat.

The only reason I can conclude with would be a lack of fear of God. And by fear, I’m not talking about trembling and afraid. I’m talking about realizing that our decisions mean something to God, and that God cares about what we do, and that there are consequences for every action.

People steal, and they will continue to, until the end of time, I just wish we understood this urge more, and were able to help people to choose a better choice – a choice that is less harmful, and more beneficial to society in general.

Why do you think people steal?

JULIAN MASON via Compfight