The funny thing about heartbreak

The funny thing about heartbreak is that when you’re going through it you feel like you’ve never been hurt like this before and that you’ll never get over it. You feel like the love you once shared was one in a million and you’ll never experience that kind of love again. You think that the pain you are feeling is something that no one else can understand, and that no one could ever survive this kind of pain.

The pain is personal and unique, and no one can ever quite experience what you’re going through exactly the way you’re going through it, but we can all learn from each other, comfort each other, and find solace with the knowledge that no matter what it is – this too will pass.

The broken heart looks different now. Jeannette E. Spaghetti via Compfight

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Our fragile hearts

Fragile hearts: I have noticed how people tend to talk about their heartbreak and how fragile their hearts are. The funny thing is that although we can talk about the fragility of our hearts, we don’t seem to realize that other people’s hearts are equally fragile.

There are people who pride themselves on always speaking their minds, without considering that maybe speaking your mind is not the best thing to do at all times. Perhaps there are times when it is best not to speak your mind, just so you can protect the heart of the person you care about. In a relationship (whether a family member, or a boy-girl relationship) we have to be sensitive of these people’s hearts, and treat them well. There will be times when they say thing that you may think are insulting, but all they really want to do is help. There will be times when you say things to them that they may find offensive, but all you meant was a joke… So we have to be considerate and careful about each other’s hearts, because when it’s all said and done, we’re all working around with some pain, some hurts, some past mistakes we’re trying to forget.

HeartCreative Commons License seyed mostafa zamani via Compfight

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Leadership is Stewardship (guest post)

Leadership is Stewardship, it is temporary and you’re accountable – Andy Stanley

Today I had the privilege of guest blogging on Nuggets for Nobles.

Here is a little excerpt:

“I’m going to give you two spankings” My sister-in-law told my 3-year-old niece. “One for not listening, and the other for leading your brother to do the same thing.” This conversation happened not so long ago. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I can remember thinking how amazingly true the statement was.

It doesn’t matter how old we are, we are all…

…Continue reading here (and don’t forget to subscribe to Nuggets for Nobles for more leadership tips)

Do you have the impostor syndrome?

Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. – Wikipedia.com

I'm 'a let you finish. Joe Benjamin via Compfight

Can I tell you a secret? yeah? okay here it goes…

I’m a very very very blessed woman. Extremely blessed. Sometimes I feel like God answers my prayers even before I ask…

I have a great family, even though we have plenty of issues, and I have wonderful friends all over the world, and I have the best friend any girl could ever wish for…

I have been blessed with scholarships and so many educational opportunities…but sometimes I wonder…

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m as amazing as many people seem to think I am. Okay actually I know I’m not as amazing as people seem to think I am. It’s always so funny when I get compliments like “oh you’re such a good writer,” and I’m tempted to say things like, “oh you know, I’m just lucky…”

Lucky? no, but blessed? yes!

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

See sometimes we get so scared that people will think that we are frauds because we don’t feel as fabulous as people seem to think we are. Or we don’t think that we are worthy of love because of our past mistakes, or because we are not as amazing as these other people who seem to have their lives together…but the truth is that most people feel like frauds. We all know that there are some things that just happen, and that there is no amount of planning that would have given us some of the opportunities we have gotten…and so they make us feel like frauds because we know we don’t deserve them…

…Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you…

I’ve been learning a lot about love lately, and the beauty of love is that no one is “worthy” of love. Love is a gift given generously and sacrificially, not based on who you are, but based on who the giver is. The giver gives out of the abundance of their love.

There are times when people say that they love us, but they turn around and hurt us. Or when people say they love us, but withdraw their “love” when they get angry. But see that’s not love. Love is unconditional…it’s not easy…it’s hard work, lot’s of effort. It can be incredibly painful, but it is patient, and regardless of the situation love never ends…

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

[Quotation by Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love)]

As single women we’re often longing to be loved, almost anxious and desperate for love. Because we’ve seen what the movies tell us about love…but then we experience true love with God and we feel like impostors, like we are not worthy, like we have made too many mistakes to be loved…But God continuously pursues us, picks us up, puts the pieces of our broken hearts and tells us that we are valuable, and priceless, and that we need not feel like impostors, because he loves us in spite of all the decisions we made in the past and all the mistakes we may make in the future…

If you can begin to see how much God loves you…your life will be changed dramatically…

And if you want to know if the one you’re dating is “the one” for you…ask yourself if the way he loves you reminds you of Jesus…

Sooo…do you ever feel like an impostor?

Do you ever say what you mean?

While you weren't looking.
Photo Credit: Jaskirat Singh Bawa via Compfight

My former boss was celebrating his 40th wedding anniversary a few months ago and I asked him what was the secret of staying together for so long. And he said “Communication.”

“Of course, communication is important” I thought to myself disappointed because I was expecting something more profound, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about that advice.

I’ve started noticing that many times we don’t say exactly what we mean. When we’re angry instead of saying what is really upsetting to us, we focus on something trivial. If I’m bored with a conversation I say “well I’ll let you go, because I’m sure you’re busy” when really I want to say “I have nothing more to say to you.”

Or when we choose to celebrate our birthdays with a huge crowd, when we would rather spend the time with a good book.

Or when we date someone for years only because we feel like we can’t tell them that we’re not sure we’d like to spend the rest of our lives together.

But then there are people who pride themselves on being honest, but really they are mean, rude, and selfishly hurtful.

My question is can we be polite and still be honest? Can we feel free to be ourselves without being afraid that others may think us strange?

I challenge you this week to say at least one thing you really mean, one random thought that crosses through your mind. People may think you’re strange, but that’s okay, the important thing is realizing that it’s okay to be you.

I'm tired of wishing

I’ve been doing a lot of wishing lately…

I’ve been wishing that I hadn’t said that, or hadn’t done that, or that I had taken the opportunity when I had a chance…

I’ve been wishing you could understand, wishing you would ask me about it, wishing I could speak boldly and clearly…

I’ve been wishing you would know how much God really loves you, wishing you would know it’s never his will for you to be sick or depressed or for people you love to die…

I’ve been wishing I knew what my next step was, wishing someone else could decide for me, wishing someone would choose me… wishing, wishing, wishing…

But I’m tired of wishing, I hate the word “wish.”

Wishes are for the powerless or hopeless, but we are neither powerless nor hopeless.

It’s time we stopped wishing and started doing.

Will you join me?

If you’d like some help with depression and loneliness as a single woman click here.

If it was up to God Whitney Houston would still be alive

I wrote a post on facebook recently that “if it was up to God Whitney Houston would still be alive” and I got mixed responses.

Courtesy of Billboard.com

The thing that pains me is that some people speculated that maybe her purpose in life was to bring people to Him through her funeral. This is why many non-christians are repelled by Christianity. One thing I can say for a fact is that God had a much grander plan for her, and He loved her very much and never wanted her to go through a lot of her heartache.

God did not want her to make a lot of the decisions she made, God did not want her to die young. Yes His was are not our ways, but God wants us to know His ways, that’s why He gave us the Bible.

Does God control everything we do. No he does not. Think about it: Do you always do what He tells you to do? most likely not. Then how can He control everything in your life? or in anyone else’s life?

This world is so far from what God wants it to be, and sadly many people will die out of his will, sadly many will reject Him (which is definitely not part of His plan), and sadly many people will blame Him for the hurts they go through, but the truth will always remain that God is a good God, and if something happens and it’s not good, then it’s not God.

p.s. y’all please do me a favor and stop saying God called her home. Just because she’s in heaven (which I pray she is) does not mean God told her it was her time.

I've decided that I'm not going to die (lessons from The Help)

 

I recently listened to the audiobook “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett (affiliate link) and the main character’s mother (Skeeter’s mother) said something that was so profound.

Skeeter’s mother was dying of cancer, and there was so much going on, she was throwing up, she couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, she lost her teeth, lost her hair, lost a lot of weight. But then one day she tells Skeeter:

“I have made a decision. I have decided that I’m not going to die”

It was so profound because life is about the decisions we make. We have more control over reality than we think. As soon as she made this decision, things started to get better. And while this is a work of fiction it’s so true in life.

Everyday we have to decide that we’re not going to die, we have to decide that we won’t quit, we have to decide that today we’ll accomplish what we were made to do.

So today join me in declaring:

I have decided that I’m not going to die.

I have decided that I’m not going to quit.

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