Finding the one (7): but my biological clock…

Two weeks ago we talked about whether money was important in a relationship, and then we celebrated resurrection Sunday. (Hallelujah!) This week we will be talking about the infamous biological clock.

It is time for all of us to get together (metaphorically) and crush our biological clocks! If you maintain your health you (a woman) can still have children even if you are over 40.

But “I want to be able to run around with my children and not be tired.” Well everyone gets tired taking care of children, but if you are unhealthy now, then you will be unhealthy then, so it boils down to whether you are living a healthy lifestyle now.

But “I’m scared, what if I never get married, what if I never have children because I waited so long, what if…what if…”

You are right, anything could happen. If you wait too long your limo may get hit by a renegade airplane on your way to the airport, killing your groom and living you miserable. If you wait too long, a comet may land on the exact spot where your future beau currently lives, leaving you hopelessly single for the rest of your life…

I say all this to say, if we want to spend the time being afraid, we can create all sorts of things to be afraid of. Focus instead on doing things right, and be surprised at the amazing results.

Why not do something this week that you have never done before. Eliminate the notion of a biological clock from your mind, and make decisions without even thinking about whether or not you will have enough “time” to do what you want to do with your marriage.

Finding the one (6): We have love we don't need money

Last week we discussed whether it was important to have a spouse who loved God. This week we will be talking about whether money is important in having a healthy relationship.

What is the number one reason for divorce in America? Money!

Yeah I guess everyone else is shallow, while you are deep. I guess no one has ever been in love like you are. This love will take you over the mountains and through the valleys, it can run faster than the speed of light, leap over walls, solve world hunger….sigh…love.

Don’t get me wrong, you should be with someone you love, but you better make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to your financial goals. You better make sure that you have a plan to make money at some point in time. But then again I’m sure you can find a way to exchange your love for food in the market (please email me with that, I still haven’t figured that one out yet). You better make sure you are not planning to fail (divorce) by failing to plan.

Why not do something this week that you haven’t done before. Start a budget and stick with it. If you are in a relationship, watch how he or she deals with money (it’s important). If you are not in a relationship keep this in mind when picking a partner.

Finding the one (4): Let's test-drive each other (via IyasOStuff)

Finding the one (4): Let's test-drive each other Last week I talked about the misconception people have that they will never be lonely again once they find the one. This week we will be discussing the paradox that is "safe-sex." For some reason we analogize human beings to cars, we have to test-drive a car to make sure it's a good fit, so we have to test-drive people to make sure they are a good fit. The analogy is so absurd, it's like trying to test a high school athlete to see if he will be g … Read More

via IyasOStuff

Happy Easter 2011

I’m taking a break from the “Finding the one” series to say a happy easter to everyone.

Easter Sunday is April 24th, and instead of celebrating it on the Monday after, I wanted to celebrate it the week before. Hope it’s not a problem???

On Easter Sunday we celebrate Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. Halleluyah! Because he lives, we all have the opportunity to be truly free.

So I thought I would ask- How do you plan on celebrating Easter (AKA resurrection Sunday)?

[polldaddy poll=4365681]

Finding the one (5): It's okay if he doesn't love God

Last week we talked about the misconception that it’s necessary to “test-drive” you future mate. This week we will be talking about whether it is important for your future spouse to love God.

When I was in college, one of the best guys I dated was an atheist. He was one of the most respectful, caring, hardworking guys I had ever met. We could have the most intellectually stimulating conversations, and I enjoyed being around him. I remember one day at dinner he asked me why I never tried to convert him, and I casually said “well if you already know that Jesus is the way, and you have decided not to follow him, well you’re the one going to hell not me.”

Then we both laughed. I know, I know it sounds awful, but this is exactly what we are saying when we get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t know God. We are saying “I want what I can get out of you, but I don’t particularly care about your soul.”

Yes, I know, since he’s such a great guy, better than all the other Christian guys out there, I’m sure God will understand. Yes, God understands that you don’t trust him, and you don’t believe him when He said He will never withhold any good from you. Yes, God understands that you would rather raise your children in an environment of confusion where daddy hates God, but momma loves Jesus. But hey, you got yourself a smart cookie; he’s so wise that he rejects the only thing that can save him.

Why not do something this week that you have never done before. Assess your idea of your ideal spouse. If God is not in that picture, you need to erase it and start over. Then you can be thankful for your spouse everyday.

Finding the one (4): Let's test-drive each other

Last week I talked about the misconception people have that they will never be lonely again once they find the one. This week we will be discussing the paradox that is “safe-sex.”

For some reason we analogize human beings to cars, we have to test-drive a car to make sure it’s a good fit, so we have to test-drive people to make sure they are a good fit. The analogy is so absurd, it’s like trying to test a high school athlete to see if he will be great in the NFL, by watching his performance in high school game, or like trying to test what life would be like living in Alaska by just making your house as cold as possible for a few weeks. Yes people do it all the time, but it doesn’t make it any less nonsensical.

The only way to test whether two people will make ideal partners in a marriage is for them TO BE MARRIED. Granted there are some things that will help them (i.e. similar spiritual beliefs, similar child-raising beliefs, similar ideas on how to deal with money, and fewer previous sexual partners).

Then of course, there is no such thing as “safe sex” outside of marriage. Sex binds people together physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You don’t believe me? Well why did you (or do you still) find it so hard to leave that loser, even though everyone tells you he is not the best for you. Go ahead and cohabitate, after all it’s your life! It’s not affecting anyone else (except your mom and dad, the other person’s parents, your future children, their future children and etc.). Sex is not a private activity, it’s a societal activity, whatever you decide to do affects me, even though we may never meet.

Why not do something you have never done before. Do some research on sex outside of marriage. Do some research on the gift of sex to marriage, and start treasuring yourself more.

 

Finding the one (3): I won't be lonely again

Last week I talked about how a relationship will not fix your problems. This week I want to talk about another common misconception. I’m just going to be blunt and say that people (AKA human beings) are not toys, they were not placed on the earth to fix your problems or to amuse you (or to be “test driven” for that matter- but that will be another blog post)

Some of the loneliest people in this world are married people. There’s one kind of lonely where you are single and hopeful that you will not have to be alone forever. But there’s another kind of lonely where you wake up every morning in despair, looking at the other side of the bed, wondering how you could have ever made such a foolish mistake.

The best advice I can give you is learn to not be lonely by yourself. Learn to not be codependent on anyone. Because as Andrew Wommack always says, the only people that will let you down are those you lean on.

Why not do something this week you have never done before. Pay attention to times that you feel lonely, and squash those thoughts that say I’m lonely because I’m not in a relationship. Remove loneliness from your vocabulary. Any time you feel lonely, go out and create something. Don’t give yourself the space or time to be lonely.

Finding the one (2): Please fix my problems

Last week I talked about relationships, and how we all need to find our purpose. This week I’m going to talk about one of the biggest misconceptions that people have about relationships. Instead of going to God to ask him to fix our problems, we go to people. We expect to find this spectacular relationship that will make us never hungry or thirsty again.

In reality getting into a relationship quadruples the problems. Because now each person is thinking about their individual problem and their spouse’s problem and how they will approach it. For example it is no longer his debt and her debt, it is our family debt. So you are excited, you snagged yourself a snazzy doctor and now you too are a doctor, by association. But you didn’t realize that he or she got that degree by going hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt. You thought you had debt issues with your meager $15,000 student loan and credit card balance, until you saw your future spouse’s $349,000 student loan debt and $37,000 credit card debt. Yup, it’s now OUR problem, but hey at least you got a snazzy doctor.

Why not do something this week you haven’t done before. Take some time out, sit down and think about the kinds of problems that could affect your marriage (financial, bad habits, spiritual etc.) and create a plan to fix this problem. You want your marriage to work don’t you? Well give yourself a better chance of success.

Have a great week! (and leave comments here)

Finding the one (1): Finding purpose

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about relationships and finding the “one” you want to spend the rest of your life with. I guess I’ve been thinking about it recently because I had been so busy living life that I hadn’t thought about it for so long. I remember I asked a friend one time what their purpose in life was, and they said “to get married.” Really! To get married? sounds like a wasted life to me.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a noble thing to desire a spouse, but you and your spouse are supposed to come together to accomplish goals, a common purpose. If you don’t have a purpose, then what are you and your spouse going to do? Just sleep together? Well I hear that gets old after a while. Have kids? Well even they grow up and leave…so if you don’t know your purpose, what are you supposed to do with your spouse?

Why not do something this week that you have not done before. Sit down in a quiet place and ask God about your purpose. He wants to tell you. And you know what not only will you have a better relationship when you meet the “one,” but you will have a better more effective life, even if you decide not to be with the “one.”

Admit it: You like being depressed

 

I can talk about how much God loves you until my face turns blue. I can show you how many times you were scared of what would h

appen in the future and how things worked out so much better than you could ever have expected. I can tell you about how smiling and laughing will make you a more positive person.

I can tell you that the devil wants to destroy you, but you are doing a better job of destroying yourself.

But when all is said and done, I can’t change you because you like being depressed. Admit it. It feels great to be depressed, to cry and be mean too people, because after all you are at a very emotional time. You can decide to stop exercising, or not eat healthy, I mean you are depressed what else do people expect from you.

Yes it feels great now, but it will destroy you later. You have to decide to be happy no matter what. You have to decide to trust God no matter what. You have to choose.

Remember as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. So if you think you have no control over your feelings, then you don’t. But if you choose to think happy thoughts and focus on the good things, good things will continue to happen.

Why not do something this week that you’ve never done before. Pay attention to your feelings. If you feel yourself getting sad, talk to yourself about how happy you are, think happy thoughts and force yourself to smile.

Have a great week my dear.