Dearest Mr. Ex – Cried – Bella Naija

Hey All,

So I did my annual Valentine’s post on Bella Naija. See an excerpt below, and check it out when you get a chance. Thank ya 🙂

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Dearest Mr. Ex

Posted on Thursday, February 13th, 2014 at 9:25 AM

By Osayi

Dearest Mr. Ex,
Did I tell you I cried? Oh yes I cried. In fact there were many nights when I went to sleep crying and woke up still crying. It was hard for me to get over the heartbreak that all our dreams, hopes, aspirations, and plans for life together could have ended so abruptly… so painfully.

Did I tell you I cried when you told me that you were now dating my roommates best friend? Well yes I cried, especially when my roommate kept… Click here to continue reading

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Let's talk about rape

I was listening to the radio the other day, and a lady was sharing her experience of getting raped in Lagos. She was on the way from work at night and she was crossing the pedestrian bridge when three men attacked her, led her to an empty school building, beat her, took all her stuff, and raped her… and then beat her again when she did not act like she was enjoying the sexual activity…

I was really saddened and hurt by what happened to her.

And as I sat there listening, I could almost hear people saying “why was she out at night?” “why was she walking alone at night?” “why did she take the pedestrian bridge?” “why didn’t she have a weapon with her?” “why did she dress provocatively?” “Why did she follow them to the school building?” “why didn’t she scream?” etc. etc. etc.

It seems whenever someone says she was raped, people all of a sudden look for ways the victim could have been guilty of what happened to her…

Yes I believe in dressing conservatively, but even if she was walking around in just her bra and panties, nobody had the right to insert anything (not his hands, or his private part, or any other object) into her private parts or touch her without her permission.

And so this lady, like many others (1 out of 3 women in Nigeria) will try to keep going, fighting the suicidal thoughts, the fear of men, the depression etc… While Nigerians continue to encourage men to touch their daughters, sisters, mothers, and wives in ways that are too vulgar, and too graphic for me too even write.

Please let’s talk about rape.

May God help us. May God bless Nigeria.

Thomas Leuthard via Compfight

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12 – It's all his fault

hey y’all – It’s time for a new series, that I plan to turn into a book… We would like to talk about relationship fallacies that are ruining our relationships, and how we can fix them… I’m still working on a title, so if you have any suggestions I would appreciate it :-).

This is a series on relationship fallacies for the rest of the series, please click here.

Oh and a quick shout out to my hero, my darling husband, today is his birthday. 🙂 I will send your greetings.

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Fallacy #12 – It’s all his fault

I was chatting with a friend online and she told me about a guy she was dating…how he did this, and he did that…how he wasn’t very kind, and he wasn’t very this or very that, and how because of him the relationship didn’t work. I just shook my head and tried to explain to her that relationship problems are not usually one sided…

See it’s easy to want to find blame for something. It’s easy to want to feel like if not for them, we would be happy, but the truth is that no one can keep you from being happy. No matter the situation, there is rarely a relationship where you don’t find more than one culprit…

It may be easier to just say that it’s all his fault, but in the long run, it’s better for you to realize that since you can’t control him, you can only control what you bring to the relationship…and if you bring the best into the relationship and he doesn’t appreciate that, it’s okay for you to seek other options (specifically when you’re not married). And when you’re married, it’s okay to realize that no one is perfect – including you… so whatever the trouble is, it’s a combination of the two of you, and if the two of you are willing, you can find a solution to any challenge together…

And “together” is always better!

What do you think? Why do you think we like to blame others for our challenges? What would you say to a friend going through a similar experience?

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The Sexy Lie

It would be funny, if it wasn’t true.

Women you’re worth more…

You don’t have to be sexy to get a man, you don’t have to be sexy to be attractive, you’re are more valuable than that.

Your smile, your humor, your brains, your character, your commitment, your kindness, your gentleness, your sweetness, your ability to make others feel special, your ability to make good decisions, your ability to spend money wisely, your ability to take care of others, your ability to be there for your good friends… and so on and so forth… are so much more valuable than your ability to please a man in bed…

Forget “sexy” just be you.

What do you love about your best female friend?

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I smile when I think about…

There’s this song by Russ Lee, entitled “I Smile” the chorus goes:

I smile when I think about
The way You’ve turned my life around
I smile when I think about
The happiness in You I’ve found
I’m so amazed at what Your love has done
And when I think the best is yet to come
I smile!
I smile!

It’s such a beautiful upbeat song, that whenever I’m happy I think about the song… because it reminds me that the best is still yet to come.

No matter how happy I am, no matter how wonderful my parents are, no matter how great my brothers are, no matter how nice my inlaws are, no matter how utterly amazing my husband is to me – the best is still yet to come… and that’s why I smile.

What makes you smile? Who makes you smile? If you’re in a relationship and it doesn’t bring smiles to your face, it’s not too late, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with them or how much money you’ve spent on them, or how much energy you’ve spent in the relationship – it’s not too late, you deserve to be happy and to smile.

I smile 🙂 when I think about:

My husband
My family
My friends
Writing
My career
Nature
Reading
Singing
Dancing
Exercising
Jogging
Eating
Etc…

How about you?

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Khalid Al-khater If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours” via Compfight

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I wish I had your problems

Sometimes life doesn’t go the way I planned it. I wake up in the morning determined to read my word and exercise, and find out I’m sick and can’t do anything… I get excited about making a smoothie and find out that Nepa took the light right when I had everything chopped up… and the Generator is just not an option… I have my heart planned out for a romantic relaxing morning with the hubby, and he finds out at the last minute he has to go to work… I plan to hang out with my female friends, and they all feel like doing other things… I can’t wait to make billions as a writer, but I’m not quite there yet… I’m driving to make a meeting, and I get a flat tire…

How about you, do you feel that way sometimes? Do you feel like your life, or your relationships, or your career is not where you want it to be? Do you feel like complaining and wishing that you didn’t have the kind of problems that you had?

Well what I realized lately is that just as I was busy complaining about my problems, I knew people who wished that they had my problems. There are millions of people who can’t even afford to eat, or get access to clean water – They wish they had my problems… There are millions of over-qualified people looking for a job – They wish they had my problems…

And there are millions of miserably married people – They wish they had your problems…

Yes you may be single, yes it may be lonely sometimes, yes it may be challenging sometimes, yes it may feel like your problems will never end – but there are millions of people out there, in fact there are people walking past you every day, silently wishing that they had your problems.

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When are you going to get married?

If I had a dollar for every time people asked me “when are you going to get married?” before I got married, I would be much richer than I am now.

Your friends, your family members, your colleagues… some of them with your best interest at heart, others are just nosy… but they all want to know, they all keep asking, they all keep telling you all the benefits of marriage, as if you said you weren’t interested in marriage.

So now it’s a new year, one of your new year’s goals is meeting the right guy, or getting engaged to the right guy, or marrying the right guy, or… whatever…

It gets so bad sometimes that you’re on high alert – whenever you meet a guy you immediately wonder if he could be the one… He may be saved or not saved, that doesn’t matter much, but all you care about is whether he is interested in marrying you?

It’s good to want to be married, it’s good to desire to be married, but don’t let anyone make you feel bad because you’re not there yet… don’t let anyone make you feel bad because it’s not your time yet… don’t let anyone make you feel bad because you’re getting older… don’t let anyone make you feel bad because everyone else around you has a man…

There is a difference between being just married and being happily married… and I pray that when you get married you’ll experience the latter… I pray that your space as a wife will be prepared for you in advance… I pray that the man you marry will be patient with you, will cherish you, will esteem you, will adore you, and will help you to accomplish the purpose that God has for your life…

So this year instead of praying for a man, pray for God’s purpose for your life, because the guy that is supporting that God-given purpose in you, will most likely be a better husband to you.

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Happy New year – 2014 – thank you for 2013

Well Hello there,

Happy New year – 2014

I just want to take this time out to say thank you for reading this blog, sending emails, etc. I appreciate all of you for your love and for trusting me with your secrets.

I pray that 2014 will be a wonderful year – where we accomplish our goals and do those amazing things we always wanted to do.

I pray that in this new year we will all be better people – more patient, more giving, more trusting, more forgiving, more joyful, more mature… and more loving.

As always, I’m here to help in anyway I can.

In the mean time feel free to read some of my most popular posts in 2013

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Merry Christmas 2013 – Could you give up your own boy?

For those who are hurting, I pray for comfort

For those who are grieving, I pray for peace

For those who are lonely, I pray for joy

Merry Christmas to you all!

I wish you a happy and prosperous season.

I pray that your Christmas and everyday after is full of joy peace and lots of celebration.

From my family to yours 🙂

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Choosing the right one – I don't want no fly guy, I just want a shy guy

People often talk about meeting the right one, finding the right one, how do you know he’s the right one etc…. the truth is, there is no “right one” out there just waiting for you so they can have a perfect relationship with you – with no issues. There are lots of bad ones, and there are lots of good ones, but it’s up to you to choose the right one for you- the one you will spend the rest of your life with. This is a series on choosing the right one –click here for the rest of the series.

ooooh do you remember that “Shy guy” song by Diana King… Just thinking about it makes me want to start doing the “roll” (is that what it was called?)… but you know what I mean…

But I don’t want somebody
Who’s loving everybody
I need a shy guy
He’s the kinda guy who’ll only be mine

O lord have mercy mercy mercy…

Sigh…okay before you think I’ve lost it… let me tell you why the song came to my mind. I was thinking about back in the day in secondary/high school, we all wanted that fun guy…you know the one… the one that all the other girls wanted, the one that seemed as if all the fun things just followed him wherever he went, the one that when he whispered in your ears all you heard was “hallelujah!” right before you fainted… the one that you could smell his amazingly wonderful cologne from miles away… yeah that “fly guy.”

But baby girl, let me tell you… listen carefully ‘cos that song was right. The fly guys may seem fun, but you may not be ready for what you get when you take them home.

There are a lot of good guys around, but the problem is that most of them just don’t come around. They’re too busy being shy, or “praying” to find out if you’re the one, and if they should marry you, and overanalyzing what your first name and their surname would look like together, before they even step up to introduce themselves…

While the “fly guys” just come up and ask you out. What do they have to lose? The worst that could happen would be for you to say no, and for them yeah it stinks, but they can just move on to the next thing…cos after all, it’s just a thing, ain’t nuffin’ serious!

But don’t fall for it, don’t fall for the fly guys. Don’t be flattered just because they approached you. They approached many before, and will approach many after. Yeah it may be fun…yeah your female friends may be jealous for a while… but just give it a little while…the “fun” won’t nurse your hurting heart when he doesn’t come home at night… because with commitment comes responsibility, and those are two words that “fly guys” don’t understand.

Choose wisely.

Happy smile day 🙂

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