Other People's problems

I was in the hair salon the other day, and one lady looked at my long natural hair, sighed and said she couldn’t wait for her hair to be as long as mine, because she knew it would be easier to manage once it was my length. I just laughed and told her that other people’s problems always seem easier than our own.

The truth was that I was in the hair salon because it was much easier for me to just do it there. Washing my hair myself can take 4 hours or more, because of detangling, conditioning, and then twisting… not only does it take time, but your arms are sore at the end and you’re tired. When my hair was shorter, I did my hair by myself most of the time, so pretty much, I saw her short hair issues as being easier than mine…

It dawned on me that life is like that. Because we have personal experiences with our own pain, we think that our pain is more painful or “more real” than anyone else’s when the truth remains that pain is pain is pain. Every pain is real, and painful, and can be challenging.

When we look at people, let us not be too quick to belittle their sufferings. Empathize with everyone you meet, because we’re all going through some heart ache, disappointment and pain, and just because it seems that yours may be much more painful doesn’t mean that everyone else’s pain is less relevant.

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I have faith it will work out well

My gift in life is to encourage people. It’s always been that way. Whatever I do, I do to encourage people. I feel like there are just too many discouragers in the world telling us who we cannot be or what we cannot do, and I refuse to be one of them.

I’ve been privileged to hear so many people’s stories, some sad, some happy, some amazingly fulfilling, others seemed like a bump in the road… well perhaps because of this blog, and my books, I hear more of the negative stories, but I don’t mind. For some people it can be discouraging to hear so many sad stories, and sometimes I’m tempted to be sad for the people, but what I’ve learned in so many years is that if we keep doing the right thing, no matter what, it will all work out well…

People have talked to me about heartbreak, about breakups, about lost loves, about pain… serious heart wrenching pain, and a year later, or sometimes a few months later, there is hope, things have gotten better, usually because no matter how hard it was, people chose to do the right thing… yes many of the people that contact me are women, but I get contacted by quite a few men too… which reminds me that we are all hurting, we are all doing our best, we are all trying to find that joy and peace and fulfillment that always seems so near, but often seems just out of reach…

And so I write today to encourage you. I want you to know that no matter what it is you’re going through, keep doing the right thing, because I have faith that things will work out. Don’t be discouraged, don’t listen to the thoughts that say you will never feel better, or things will never get better, and don’t make decisions based on the pain… The pain will pass eventually, but the decisions you make now… well they have consequences… sooo… leave that boy who says he only wants to be friends with benefits, you deserve better, leave that man who has a wife, or a baby mama that he ought to be committed to, you deserve better, leave that man who beats you down, physically, or verbally, or emotionally, you deserve better… (the same goes for guys too)

I really really believe that no matter what it is you’re going through. I repeat no matter what it is. I have faith that it will work out well…if you persist in doing the right thing.

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Dem go talk

I was listening to the radio the other day (While stuck in 2 hour traffic) and I heard this hilarious song “Dem go talk”

Some of the lines went something like – Wear designer, dem go talk, abi na China, dem go talk…

It was so funny to me, and so true.

No matter what you do, people will have opinions. If you are single or married, people will have something to say. If you have kids or don’t, people will have something to say. If you are poor, or if you are rich, people will have something to say…

So I guess in the end we all have to decide what is best for us. We can’t please most people, we can’t live our lives for most people… Yes they may give us advice out of the kindness of their hearts, but if you are not soliciting their advice, then just go ahead and live the fabulous life that makes sense to you, and that God has called you to live, because in the end, you’re the only one responsible for you, and in the end – Dem go still dey talk.

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No obligation to finish the movie

The first movie my boo and I watched together at the movie theater (when he was still trying to charm his way into my heart) was a Ghanian movie about relationships, cheating etc. We picked the movie because by the time we got there, this was the only movie that seemed as if it would end on time, and I wouldn’t have to go back home in the middle of the night.

Even before the movie started we were skeptical, but we kept trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. Everyone was cheating on everyone, the make out scenes were crass and puke-worthy, and it was just the kind of trash I wouldn’t want my children to see. We tried to keep watching, because we had spent quite a bit of money, and we didn’t want to waste the money, but then it got to one scene where it showed a man and woman in the bed room, and the next thing the man disappeared underneath the blanket… needless to say, I grabbed my purse and asked the gentleman beside me to kindly escort me out of the movie theater…

Yes we had spent money, but we just didn’t see the point of compounding our mistake with the greater mistake of tainting our minds, and tempting ourselves with thoughts that could lead us to do things we shouldn’t…

Whenever I think about that day, I can liken it to so many other situations, where we keep trying to be friends with people because we have invested so much in them, or we keep trying to make a relationship work because we don’t want to feel like all the time we spent with them has been wasted, and so we compound one mistake with many more…

Sometimes we just have to learn to cut our losses, and move on, yeah you may have lost some time, but there is no need to waste even more time and money on something that will only cause you more pain in the future.

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Did God want them to die? – Nyanya bombing

I knew some fanatics would say something like that, but I guess I never dreamt I would actually hear someone actually saying that those people (Nyanya bomb blast) died because it was their time, that God wanted them to die or they would not have been there at the time… SERIOUSLY!!!

First of all, God is a good God, and He does not use evil to accomplish his will. Period. Full stop.

Secondly, God has promised every single one of us a lifespan of at least seventy years (three score years and ten Psalm 90:10). If we live for longer than that, it’s a blessing, otherwise anything below that means something went wrong somewhere.

Thirdly, we live in a fallen world where God has given us free will. God does not control us, he did not control the bombers, he did not control the people that were injured. All God does is to whisper and if we’re willing to listen then we can make better decisions, otherwise, God cannot force us to do anything.

I’ve written about this terrible idea on the Sovereignty of God here and here, and the misconception that sovereignty means total control instead of just superiority… It’s not true, God does not control everything… He always wants good things for us, but sometimes things don’t work out as He wants them to… even in the Bible God had to have a Plan B, because we have all fallen short of where He wanted us to be – Jesus was our plan B, King David was King Saul’s Plan B, etc. etc. etc.

Did God want them to die? – I don’t have all the answers, what I do know is that, there is evil in this world, and God is not the originator of evil.

Nyanya victims (picture from ThisDayLive)

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Shout Out to my boo for life

Yo yo yo shout out to all my peeps! This post is dedicated to my boo… LOL I know it doesn’t even sound like me…

Well I just wanted to take this time to apologize for not a single post in the past few weeks… **shame face** But you know how that goes sometimes…

The last few weeks have been… wellll… interesting to say the least, and I’m glad to say that things are getting better, we’re still very busy, but things are getting better.

The beautiful thing about this time has been my boo for life, AKA my boyfriend AKA my husband. He has been so supportive, patient and kind throughout the whole thing. My goodness, I never realized that there were such wonderfully kind, generous and selfless people like him out there (outside of my parents of course). I’m just sooo sooo sooo blessed and happy and blessed and lucky and blessed to have a wonderful man like him. God certainly knew what He was doing when he brought us together…

So I just wanted to send a shout out to my boo, for being so wonderful to me, and for showing me what unconditional and selfless love looks like – what a wonderful example of Jesus. Thank you boosky! I truly appreciate you 🙂

And to all my single ladies, let me tell you that God who has done it for me, can definitely do it for you. Just try not to focus on the external, focus on the character… because through it all, it’s the character that will sustain the both of you.

Until next time, Ciao! *ps. I promise to blog more often 🙂

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Womanhood – dropping balls

Do you hear that? Yeah that sound… that’s the sound of balls fallling…

I attended an event for professional women the other day, and they talked about how as women, you constantly have to juggle multiple balls – family, work, church, friends etc. And sometimes you will drop some of the balls…

That was a scary thought to me. I never want to drop any balls but you know…

Many years ago (about 20 years ago), I got very sick, and I was in the hospital for many days. My mother, a professional woman, left everything and stayed with me in the hospital during the whole time. At that time she let others take care of her other children, she took time off from her work – her time consuming business, to ensure that she was there when I needed her most…

I don’t have any children yet, but I would like to believe that I would do the same thing for my children… yes I would drop all those other balls to ensure that the most important ball, at the time, is not dropped.

Recently, I have had to drop some balls. I have learned to prioritize the most important people and things, and I have learned that sometimes it’s better to delegate, and sometimes you will drop some balls, but it’s okay…

It’s okay to be imperfect, it’s okay to feel bad when you let someone down, it’s okay to do all that is in your power to ensure you don’t let people down, it’s okay to realize that not all the balls are of equal importance, and it’s okay to drop some balls sometimes, if it means that you will protect the most important ones.

Long story short, being a woman can be challenging, being a wife can be demanding, being a career woman can be tasking, being a mother can be all-consuming, but in the end we must realize that it’s an honor and a privilege to have those opportunities – because in your womanhood is where you find the most fulfillment.

So yeah, I can hear the sound of dropping balls all around me, and I’m glad to hear them.

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44- he should always let you have your way

hey y’all – It’s time for a new series, that I plan to turn into a book… We would like to talk about relationship fallacies that are ruining our relationships, and how we can fix them… I’m still working on a title, so if you have any suggestions I would appreciate it :-).

This is a series on relationship fallacies for the rest of the series, please click here.

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FALLACY #44: He should always let you have your way

What can I say? I love having my own way… is there anyone who doesn’t love having their own way? well I’m not Mrs. Anyone, I’m Osayi. This is one that I’m really working on…

The other day I had to apologize to my husband for insisting that he do something exactly how I wanted him to do it. He pointed out that there were some things he wanted me to do, that we had discussed, and although I don’t do it perfectly all the time, he his patient with me (yes y’all my hubby is a wonderment!)… and he was right…

The person you’re in a relationship with is not perfect, he never was, and never will be, but because he loves you, he will try, and because you love him, you will try, and you will be patient, and you will forgive when things don’t work out the exact way you wanted them to… because truth be told, true love is not about getting your way all the time, but about acting generously when things don’t work out the way you want them to…

true love is realizing that it’s not “your way or the highway” in fact when you love someone you throw your way out and figure out what “our way” should look like – together…and when it’s all said and done, doing it TOGETHER is the most important thing.

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5- He should like you all the time

This is a series on relationship fallacies for the rest of the series, please click here.

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Fallacy #5 He should like you all the time.

I know you all think I’m so perfect, but I’m not (hehe)… There are times that I do things to disappoint my parents, or my husband, but because they love me, they give me other opportunities. They may not like me very much at the time, but their love for me sees beyond the problems and works to maintain the relationship.

I have friends that sometimes believe that just because we are friends I should like every decision they make, or like them even when they are naughty, but even when I realize that we’re all human and that we all make mistakes sometimes, I still can’t help but get angry with my friends sometimes…

So also in a relationship with your significant other, there will be times when he doesn’t like you, or like the decisions you’ve made, or like your attitude at that particular time, and that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to fail, in fact it means your relationship is real, and you two can be comfortable expressing yourselves. I believe in becoming a better person everyday, and sometimes my quest for betterment may result in me making mistakes… but I’m glad to know that even when I make mistakes, my husband’s warm arms are still waiting there to comfort me and remind me that I will do better next time.

How about you? What do you do when your friends do things that you don’t like? Or they do things that you think is harmful for them?

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Dearest Mr. Ex – Cried – Bella Naija

Hey All,

So I did my annual Valentine’s post on Bella Naija. See an excerpt below, and check it out when you get a chance. Thank ya 🙂

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Dearest Mr. Ex

Posted on Thursday, February 13th, 2014 at 9:25 AM

By Osayi

Dearest Mr. Ex,
Did I tell you I cried? Oh yes I cried. In fact there were many nights when I went to sleep crying and woke up still crying. It was hard for me to get over the heartbreak that all our dreams, hopes, aspirations, and plans for life together could have ended so abruptly… so painfully.

Did I tell you I cried when you told me that you were now dating my roommates best friend? Well yes I cried, especially when my roommate kept… Click here to continue reading

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